It is worth reviewing anger and aggression to have a deeper understanding of our emotions and work toward anger management. Often when a person feels frustrated he or she is subject to explode when their emotions are heightened. Frustration does not occur over night; rather frustration occurs when underlying issues come into focus. Frustration then is a deep, unrelieved sense or state of lack of confidence and dissatisfaction arising from unsettled problems or unsatisfied needs.

So, anger is the feeling a person experiences when he or she does not get their way, or when a series of issues, which were below the surface waiting for the time to spring forth, rise to the surface. Aggression is a forceful act or modus operandi utilized to dominate another individual. Aggression is an argumentative, harmful or destructive mode of behaviour especially when caused by frustration. Aggression can be a good thing if your life is in danger, but in most instances aggression is a destructive force.

Assertiveness on the other hand, is a very effective method of showing your feelings to someone else without causing injury, havoc or argument. Assertiveness is a strong, bold confident quality, which we have within us to help us to defend our rights when others are trying to do us wrong. If you learn the difference between aggression and assertiveness you will learn a good behavioural pattern, while taking control of your life and avoiding further problems.

So, if you are feeling frustrated, you might want to sit down and rethink your situation, opinions, theories, reasoning etc. By reviewing the things that make you angry, you can reduce the tension when you see anger brewing; then you will realize that it is not worth getting angry about, since the reason for your frustrations are out of your control. For example, when you are considering your situation, you might see another point of view and conclude that your frustration is pointless.

Assertive action against an individual who has wronged you, can be far more effective than blowing a gasket. We can see from an example, how someone loses his or her temper and what consequences he or she must face because of it.

For example, two people are engaged in an argument and a fight breaks out. One of the people was accused of spreading lies about the other one. The ensuing violent episode attracts the neighbours who call the police. When the police come, both friends are placed in handcuffs and both are lead off to jail. Their problems have increased since they both may have to pay fines, court costs and, possibly, probation fees. Therefore, one problem has led to a series of other problems and it does not stop there. When the pair has paid off all of their fines, costs etc, they will have a police record whereby everyone will judge them for the rest of their lives, considering them immature, violent people not to be trusted.

Now let us take a look at another example were assertiveness was used in the scenario. Two people confront each other after one person has spread rumours around the neighborhood about the other person. The victim of the rumours walks up to his friend and says, “Why are you telling people I have a drinking problem?” The other person says, ‘I did not tell anyone you have a drinking problem”. “I don’t believe you, sorry!”, says the first person, “You told my best friend and he is not a liar”. “Well, I thought you had a drinking problem because you are drinking every time I came round your house”.

‘Just because I am drinking every time you come to my house doesn’t mean that I have a problem. I won’t let you to continue dragging my name through the mud and I won’t allow you to visit my home again, if you continue telling lies about me. Friends don’t hurt their friends. So, if you have any problems with me just talk to me about them instead of going behind my back’. What a very good job! This person did a great job asserting himself and the results will most likely prove fruitful. Let’s see what happens next. ‘I’m really sorry; I didn’t mean to offend you. I will speak to you next time I have a problem with you. However, I am still concerned that your drinking may be a problem, since you do drink every time I visit your home’. ‘Well, OK then let’s go to my place and discuss the matter’.